I feel like a complete ogre at times

My DH & I have been TTC for 1.5 years. And I HATE my friends right now. All of my friends are either have kids or are pregnant right now. I wish I didn't hate them, I love them as friends still deep down but on the surface I hate them. I am completly heartbroken every month, some months worse than others. I had an ovarian cyst 9 months ago that made my period 45 days late. It was the worst because I kept thinking maybe this is it. I kept taking tests and getting BFN but I also kept reading about women who's pregnancies didn't show up on HPT's so I kept hoping and praying and then no, it was a stupid cyst, and it went away on it's own so I am grateful for that but still nothing.

So I scrapped myself up and dusted off and bam next thing I know 4 people pregnant at work. I had to sit here watching them everyday, have everyone asking me, are you next are you next. Now they all have babies, I am still trying. Now this cycle is totally messed up. I am almost a week late, BFN's on the HPT's I feel like I might have a cyst again and today feel like I am getting a Kidney infection. The hits keep coming.

I can't help but just cry my eyes out everytime I see a baby on tv, I start crying when I am looking at magazines. My DH is worried about me and knows I am completly depressed. It's awful. I got pg once very easily when I was 19 but I had a MC. Now it's like everyone around me keeps saying how easy it was for them. Oh we weren't even trying. UGH I want to punch them in the mouth.

And the Relax crap. I want to scream everytime they say relax, go on vacation, have you tried this or that. YES I HAVE, just SHUT UP. Now I am sure they all think I am the worlds biggest BIATCH and I really don't care anymore. I just want one thing in my life to come easily instead of fighting for it tooth and nail.