Naphtali (My Struggle)

It has been a year since my husband and I decided that we wanted children. This is our first time. I don't think anything is wrong with either one of us, so we don't do doctor visits. I just started taking herbs and a multivitamin this month so I want to give those time to work. Every month is a roller coaster for me though, because I don't know if I am pregnant or not, I never have been so I don't know what it feels to be, but I do have PMS, which feels like pregnancy symptoms almost all the time. This month I almost turned a back flip because my period was 3 days late, I wanted to wait longer before I got a pregnancy test done, on the 3rd day of my missed period, I scheduled a docs. appointment 3 days afterwards, because then I would have missed my whole cycle. The next day, the worse cramps woke me up, and later on that day I started my period. The night before I prayed that if this is it, let it be so, if not, oh well. I came to this point because I'm tired of working my mind every single month, wondering, is this it? I'm a stay at home wife so I don't have anything else to do but think about having children. I started to drive myself crazy over it. Now, I'm currently looking for a job and I'm taking a dance class, so that I can have something to do, cause it's hard to not think about it when there is nothing to do.