Please not another m/c!!!!!!

TTC for 7 months now and I never thought it could be so tough! My first child was conceived first go around! grrrrr I've had two m/cs and now I have been spotting for three days, a week before AF is due!

My cup still feels half full since I had something that mimicked AF when I was pregnant with my first child, my husband confirmed that memory, thank goodness! And the m/cs were later, a week after AF was due, so since it's a week BEFORE AF is due, I am hoping this is heavy-ish implantation spotting, and not another m/c! I want another baby SO very badly.

I want more than one more, in fact, so I don't want to waste anymore time! I want a big family because my husband and I were only children and we felt pretty lonely growing up. Of course I don't want that for Aurora. I am so ready for this next baby! It's been four years since the last sweet little bundle arrived.

Please let this be our month! Every time I go to the bathroom, I dread seeing anything that resembles a full-blown period. Thankfully, there was only reddish cm the second day and not today. Hopefully that is a good sign. I dread BMs because I am afraid I will see blood! I don't like feeling this way. I almost wish I didn't track my periods, so I wouldn't know exactly what was going on because this sure is stressful. lol Oh well, that's life.

I am a lucky girl because I have one perfect angel and that is ultimately all I really need. I wish I could test for pregnancy, but I am afraid I will see faint positives like before and then suffer the feeling that I knew I had a m/c. Give me a break, Universe! These past two years have been so difficult for me and having a new baby would make life so much fun for my family. Aurora talks about all the things she will teach her brother or sister, and it stings right now knowing it might not be happening right now. Pray for me, please! Loads of Baby Dust to all my fellow frustrarians! xo