So close and then its gone in an instance

Well I'm just a little depressed today as I have been around this time of month for the past 4 months. Its nothing compared to some very heart wrenching & trying stories Ive read but I just need to vent.
I've been wanting to be a mother my whole life. I'm married over 2 years & my husband had in January finally started to desire fatherhood. Before this change of heart it seemed everyone around me was getting pregnant.2 close couples of ours who were both newly married, didn't even plan or want their pregnancies at the time were announcing their pregnancy to me.On the outside all smiles, the inside dying & feeling guilty for my deep jealousy.Well we began in Jan & on the 1st try got pregnant. I cant being to tell you the excitement & joy! My cousin being pregnant was so excited. we were planning our pregnancies together. I was due early nov, she sep. It was turning out to be so perfect until the bleeding began. I knew right away. Shortly after, I miscarried painfully. To describe the pain and disappointment would be to difficult to pour out into words. For 4 months now we've been persistently trying. I'm frustrated bc my cycle has been affected & is now different. the af date has been coming later each month throwing off my ovulation tracking. I really thought this was the month due to many strong symptoms. The day I was late was my cousins baby shower, later that day it came with a vengeance of course on the day I was most vulnerable, really thinking & hoping this was it. Right after having someone else's joy and reality play out right on front of me. Thanks for listening I really just wanted a place to vent and share my story so far. I believe God has a time and plan for all of us. My cousin waited 5 years, just before they were about to try invetro they conceived naturally-they were just about to lose hope. God is faithful, we will all be proven this. He sees the big picture. Good luck and baby dust to all! Here's to next months success.