All That She Wants (Is a Little Baby)

I have been pregnant twice (May 2009 and August 2010), but miscarried both pregnancies early on. Absolutely devastating. I want to have a baby more than anything in this world. After the first miscarriage, I didn't wait TTC; it took over a year to conceive. Within a month of using ovulation predictor tests from the Dollar Store we found out we were pregnant. When I miscarried yet again, we found out that our blood types were different: his rH factor is positive, and mine is negative, which is a big problem. I had given up hope on ever becoming pregnant -- or delivering a healthy baby.

It's so frustrating because it seems as if EVERYONE I know is getting pregnant or has kids. A good friend of mine just announced her pregnancy Thanksgiving - she and her husband have only been trying ONE MONTH. I'm happy for her and am praying for a full and healthy pregnancy, but it's not fair.

No one understands how I feel; I've had so many people tell me that "it will happen in God's time" (I know), "now wasn't the right time" (then why did I get pregnant to begin with?!), "everything happens for a reason" (...... seriously?) and even one "God didn't think you'd make good parents" (? like a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD would be a better parent?) So to answer your question, I found hardly no one to relate to. Standard cliches DON'T work.

Every month around the time of AF my heart leaps in my chest with hope...and every month I am disappointed. Mother Nature plays cruel tricks with a woman who is TTC, and she loves to toy with me. I am currently a week late, had some light spotting the day my period should have come. I'm going crazy, but I refuse to by a HPT until six weeks after my expected period. Even then...THEN what? If I am pregnant, I will be so scared and so happy - more scared than happy. If I am NOT, I'll only be disappointed and depressed. UGH.

I want a baby! :(