I am so mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am really having a hard time with this trying to conceive stuff, and with the holidays coming up it is really getting depressing seeing all of my cousin with their babies and their cute outfits. Dont get me wrong I love them so much and think of them as my nephews and neices, but I want my chance to show of my offspring. My grandmother isn't helping, she just keeps telling me, well if you cant get pregnant then I will help you adopt. That isn't the problem, b/c I want to adopt, but right now I want to have my own baby. YOu know, something that is half me and half of the love of my life. What is the worst part is that I got pregnant before all of them, and I would have a four year old this Dec. That really hurts so bad. It hurt so bad that I have waited until now to try again. And of course I got pregnant the first try last time, which doesnt help. And all the research that I have done has said that if your under 35, give it a year, well its been 8 months and no baby yet. I know that I am overweitht but I see people who are bigger than me get pregnant all the time. My husband is really getting depressed about the whole thing and I am so scared that he is going to give up on me. Its not my fault that I don't ovualte every month. And wouldn't know that in Sept I decided to take a break b/c it was stressing us so bad, and guess what. I ovulated. Wouldn't that just make you so happy, well it didn't me. Why is it that people can have babies all the time and don't take care of them, but people who really want to have one, can't? I am just so upset, sorry to fint like this, but I just got my month vister that really wasn't not welcome this month, at all. I mean this month would have been perfect you know, I want to wait until I am 12 weeks before I tell anyone, and guess what week Christmas is? Yeah you guessed it my 12 week. Great!!!!!!! This is just not far!!!!!