can't take any more dissapointment.

Hello. This is my first post. I am not irregulare but I don't have a clockwork cycle. It is always within a few days, usually a little earlier than the month before. I have now gone past last months date. We have been ttc for over a year now and I am so very hopeful each month. It's hard to be dissapointed time after time for so long and still keep at it. I have been taking vitamins with extra antioxitants and a lot of green tea daily, I have been timing everything and even covering a little before and after estimated fertile time just in case. I have had headaches and lower back cramps and pains, really low in the back for a few weeks now. I was expecting af to come but it still hasn't. I have alse noticed that my cervix is not low but it also is not soft. How should it be if I have concieved. I am at the point where I am scared to test too soon as I can't stand the dissapointment anymore. I am 32 and have children from a previous marriage. My partner really wants one of his own and I would LOVE to give hime one. Any advice on symptoms or cervical possition would be great. Thanks and all the best to all.