19 dpo, af 5 days late, CD 36 hoping and praying

Hi Ladies,

I have been reading all of your posts and decided to share also. I am 19 dpo, af 5 days late. I don't have any overly obvious symptoms. What I do feel (tired, slightly heavier breasts, gassy, cramps) could mean either that AF is lurking right around the corner or that I am about to be one happy mommy. I tested early at 13dpo and got a BFN. I've been terrified to test every since. My period is pretty regular (30 day cycle). On occasion I have ovulated late and my period has come 4-5 days later than I expected. Since this is just the 5th day I am reluctant to test because a BFN would be devestating at this point. I dreamt that my period came the other night and woke up heart broken. I am trying to hold out another day and test after AF is 6 days late since that has never happened but then I feel like I'm just torturing myself or prolonging that inevitable BFN. As long as I don't know I still have hope. I will probably break down before the end of the day and test.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I just had to share. I think it is wonderful that so many of us are excited about the possibility of motherhood. I want this more than I have ever wanted it. God bless all the mommy to be's hoping that includes me :-)