Guidelines, really

Do you think we're faking the cramps that we get? The ripping, tearing sensation that razes our muscles in our backs and abs until we cry? Do you think that the constant hunger is within our control to stop and start?Is our irritability really our own to control when our hormones are raging every which-way in our bodies in prep for our Aunt Flo? And the agony of the migrane-esque headaches - do you believe that's a farse?

Lovelies, trust us when we say that we are in pain when PMS rolls around. We are unpredictable when we experience PMS. We go through moods at the speed of light. We think things and experience emotions that are the opposite of what we would normally think and sometimes, we do things that we would never do. Understand that we still love you, but try to comprehend that we need more than just a pill or four to make us feel better. Women need your compassion, even if you don't fully understand what we're going through. Compassion and some TLC is all we need to survive through this monthly ordeal.

Or, if you'd like to experience it yourself: take a rubber mallet and hit yourself repeatedly in the abdomen, right above your bladder until you cry. Take that same mallet and hit yourself on the head until you become dizzy or light headed from the pain. After you hit yourself, go run a mile and walk up and down the stairs for 20 minutes. After that, sit down and eat everything that has salt and sugar in it: pickles, potato chips, chocolate, cookies, ice cream, etc. Drink three gallons of water until you feel squishy. Repeat every month for 8 days for the rest of your life.

Bring me some Midol and a cookie while you're at it and I'll see you on the couch to hear your apology for making fun of us women.