Empathy Instruction Manual for Men

Dearest Gentlemen,

It has come to my attention that you may not be able to understand the joys of menstruation. I would like to attempt to assist you with this problem as efficiently and adequately as possible today.

First, you must imbibe approximately 64 oz of water every 6 hours. No exceptions. Wake up, if you're asleep, to fill back up. Then, turn the temperature in whatever environment you inhabit to a ridiculous extreme, preferably 85 degrees, but 40 degrees will also work. Then take a mallet and continuously slam it into your abdomen, head and back for approximately 3 days. You have just begun PMS.

When those three days are complete, take two to three pairs of tube socks and lay them flat in your underwear, not the way you usually wear them to suggest your superior manliness. Now at this time, for 5-7 days, repeatedly take a cup of water and dump it onto the tube socks. Do not change them out right away, but drive to the nearest public restroom and do it there.

Finally, during this lovely display of support you are showing the sisterhood, spend each and every one of those days attempting to be kind, gracious and patient with your wife/girlfriend/mother/sister/co-worker/cashier while she smiles indulgently, tells you to relax because this is your lot in life, and tries to become intimate.

Wait 28, then repeat. For the rest of your life.

Bless you all for being ever so condescending and impatient during this special time of the month.